27

it's 5 am now. he couldn't sleep. he just finished reading on the case study for tomorrow. the team meeting is scheduled tomorrow morning while at 3 pm they will have this chance to discuss further with the program faculty. the topic fascinates him. supply chain management a.k.a "how to beat amazon to it?" interestingly he once have this idea of one day building something to emulate amazon. this is a perfect opportunities to figure out how? exciting.

...

he turned 27 today. being at school, he is surrounded by young group of people everyday. sometimes it does makes him feel older. but most of the time, well not haha. he believe 27 is a very good age to be. not too young and not too old. it feels like being at peak of life. you body is still young but your mind is well... how to put it, developed?  there is a lot of exciting things happening around him. being at states, at one of the best school, competing in microsoft imagine cup, game development conference is coming up etc etc. so much to look forward for. it feels good to be 27 :-)

.....

while having lunch with his fraternity brothers, one of them said something that caught his attention:

"cmu is a place where you find your passion and pursue them"

she was talking about how she found passion in computer network and how cmu provides her all the opportunities and resources to explore them. what she said triggers him. yes, one of the reasons he came to states is to find passion. the question is... did he found it? 

he never really thought about this. but recently he has this sudden burst of interest in game design. the fact is he always had this interest in game development  but at one point he decided programming is not for him that he buried the idea away. at cmu he found the flip side of game development that doesn't require him to be a gifted programmer. yes, game design. he went all the way this time by putting a team together to participate in a competition. so has he found his passion? he is reluctant to answer that question. he prefer to keep the option  open at least for now.

fear

he was playing pool with friends one fine evening. well, let just say he wasn't at his best form. it was a double game and literally he was handing over the game to the opponent. 

a bit frustrated his friend jokingly quoted a famous chinese internet meme saying:

"bu pa shen yi yang de di ren, jiu pa zhu yi yang de dui you"

trans: "i do not fear god-like enemy, but friend like pig"

they had a good laugh that day, letting off some steam from the projects.

but... that quote will always be with him that day onwards.

for what he fear the most is not failure...

but letting his team/people/everyone down...